my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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