saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
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Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
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I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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