i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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