You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
