I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
