I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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