You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
