We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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