Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
