Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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