Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
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The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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