Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
