yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
