If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize