i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
