you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
