Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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