stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just invented taco cereal.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
MIDGETS
????
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
