I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
