Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
