I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
