I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
