I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
