Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
