I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i think i just lost a toe
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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