It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize