It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
