As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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