I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
