id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
