i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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