How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
