I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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