he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I had to cum in my sink.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
