I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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