So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
