Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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