I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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