you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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