she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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