My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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