But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Everyone says I win the strip club
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
