Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
