Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
