My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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