First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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