I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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