I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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