(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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