This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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