he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
