I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
