shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
