i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
