drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
