We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
