The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
