he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
