So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
