Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
