He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We left the knife in your bed.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
