its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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