Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
