while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
