This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
