Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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