I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
