My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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