life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Plan B is the new Plan A
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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