did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Blow job season was short but glorious.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize